Time Traveler’s Etiquette: Why Judging the Past by Today’s Standards is a Slippery Slope (or why we should rename Colombia to "Shakiria")

In this blog entry, I aim to dive into the complexities surrounding the historical context and contemporary values related to the "invasion" of Brazil, a topic of debate with a Brazilian friend. 

The Great Time Travel Tribunal - Judging the Past by Today’s Standards 

Dear history buffs and time travelers! Have you ever strapped on your virtual reality goggles, dialed back the clock a few centuries, and found yourself utterly appalled by the fashion choices of the 1700s? “What’s with all the wigs and corsets?” we cry from the comfort of our yoga pants and hoodies. But before we start canceling our ancestors for their questionable taste in attire, let’s take a moment to consider the context.

You see, back in the day, those wigs were the height of sophistication, and corsets were the Spanx of yesteryear. It’s easy to point fingers when you’re not the one trying to impress at the court of Louis, right?

Now, let’s talk about values. It’s no secret that those folks had some, let’s say, ‘interesting’ ideas about what constituted good behavior. Dueling at dawn because someone insulted your horse? Totally reasonable. But if we start judging every historical figure by today’s standards, we’re going to have a very empty hall of fame. Nobody would survive our judgement! 

The truth is, history is messy, and people are complicated. The cancel culture detectives, with their magnifying glasses, YouTube degrees and Twitter accounts, might think they are so cool and have cracked the case by uncovering that the past was full of barbaric acts. But here’s a newsflash: the past was full of people, just like us, trying to make sense of the world with the information they had at the time.

Ideological purity? Dangerous! If history has taught us anything, it’s that the only constant is change. What’s acceptable today might be the subject of a cringe compilation in a few decades. So, let’s cut our historical friends some slack and focus on understanding rather than judging. After all, who knows what future generations will think of our obsession with avocado toast and reality TV? Maybe we will all be vegan in the future?

Let’s be fair to our ancestors. They didn’t have the benefit of hindsight or the internet to tell them what’s what. And who knows, maybe in 300 years, someone will be writing a blog about how quaint and naive we were in the 2020s. So, let’s put down the pitchforks and pick up a history book—or at least a historically accurate TV series. It’s time to appreciate the past, warts and all, without the cancel culture hangover.

Slavery: A Historical Thorn in Humanity’s Side

Slavery, the abhorrent practice where one human owns another, has been a blight on our history. It’s a complex issue that has spanned centuries and continents. But before we start pointing fingers through the mists of time, let’s remember that historical context is key. The past is a different country; they do things differently there.

Now, I’m not saying we give our ancestors a free pass. But imagine trying to explain to a 17th-century plantation owner that in the future, we’d have machines that talk and fit in our pockets. They’d probably think we were witches or, at the very least, very poorly dressed magicians.

The ‘Invasion’ of Brazil: A Game of Thrones Without the Dragons

Now for the subject at hand: The Portuguese ‘invasion’ of Brazil... calling it an invasion is like saying a handful of tourists in flip-flops could take over a continent. The truth is, colonization was a complex process involving exploration, trade, and, unfortunately, exploitation and abuse. The Portuguese didn’t so much invade Brazil as they did stumble upon it and decide to set up shop.

Sure, my friend can call it an "invasion" and the history books might simplify it to a few hundred men ‘conquering’ a territory as big as Europe, but let’s be real. It was more about setting up colonies and less about epic battles and conquests. Plus, let’s not forget the role of disease, which did more conquering than any army could.

The Enlightened Cancel Culture: The Jury of the Present Judging the Past

And then we have the enlightened folks of the cancel culture movement, armed with their 21st-century values and YouTube degrees, ready to judge the past as if they’ve never made a questionable decision in their lives. It’s like trying to explain to your great-great-grandparents why posting pictures of your food online is a thing. Good luck with that!

The dangerous idea of ideological purity

The idea of ideological purity is indeed a dangerous one (or racial purity - think nazi Germany, or religious purity - think Salem) . After all, who among us can cast the first stone? Ideals and morals evolve, and what’s unacceptable now might have been the norm back then. It’s important to learn from the past, not erase it.

ICHH bin ein Cancel Culture clown - the International
Committee of Historical Housekeeping (ICHH)

In the grand hall of the International Committee of Historical Housekeeping (ICHH), a lively debate is underway. The agenda? Renaming everything with a controversial historical connection.

“First order of business,” announces the chairperson, “is the proposal to rename the country of Colombia. All in favor of ‘New Not-Columbus Land’?”, maybe "Shakiria?"

A sea of hands goes up, and a murmur of agreement ripples through the crowd. Colombia has been renamed "Shakiria". 

“Excellent,” the chairperson nods. “Next, we tackle the Philippines. Suggestions?”

“How about ‘The Islands Formerly Known as Named After King Philip of Spain’?” someone shouts from the back.

Laughter fills the room, but the secretary diligently notes it down.

“And what of Saudi Arabia?” another member pipes up. “Named after a dynasty, isn’t it? Should we just call it ‘The Artist Formerly Known as Arabia’?”

The committee chuckles, but they all know the real challenge lies ahead.

“Now, onto the big one: Washington. It’s everywhere—cities, states, monuments. Do we have enough paint and chisels for all the signs and statues?”

A collective sigh. This was going to be a long day at the ICHH.

“Perhaps we should just switch to numbers,” suggests a weary historian and conspiracy theorist. “Welcome to the United States of Area 51.”

And with that, the gavel bangs, and the meeting adjourns for a much-needed coffee break.

Conclusion: A Little Less Judgment, A Little More Understanding

So, let’s approach history with a bit more empathy and a lot less judgment. By all means, let’s acknowledge the wrongs of the past, but let’s also try to understand the context. Who knows, maybe in a few hundred years, someone will be judging us for our obsession with cat videos and reality TV stars.